The Necessary Pet Accessory.

I have no children.  I have cats.  It's not that we don't want kids, we do.  We just haven't been lucky enough to have any of them yet.  In the meantime, I have cats.  Don't get me wrong, if we do have any kids, we're still going to have the cats as well, but I imagine I won't focus as much energy on cat things as I do now.  Which brings me to my main point.

Cats aren't like dogs.  You can't take cats on long walks, you can't expect that a cat is going to enjoy riding in the car with her head out the window, and most importantly, cats could care less about what you want.  They're independent.  Sure, my cats like having me around to clean their box, feed and water them and let them snuggle on my lap, but recently we were away for 3 nights and our girls acted like they didn't even know we were gone when we returned home. 

In the constant struggle to annoy my husband with my asinine comments, songs and arm movements of our cats (yes, sometimes i hide behind a cat while holding her and make her arms dance around), I have stumbled upon a cat carrier for a motorcycle.  Yes, a pet side car like apparatus that secures to the back of your motorcycle.  This is my dream. And yea, I know that's a dog in the picture, but can you imagine how hilarious it would be having the cats wearing little aviator goggles and maybe even a tiny hat?  I'm laughing just thinking about it!!

Now, another thing about my husband.  He's great.  He's very understanding and does his best to indulge my more "outside the box" thinking.  When it comes to anything about his motorcycle, he's not so understanding.  You'd think this loud thing was made out of solid gold, I swear.  People ask me what kind of bike he has.  I don't know.  It's orange-ish red.  It's a Harley.  It's noisy and in my opinion is not only too small for us, but is lacking a great deal of personality in the form of fringe, sparkle paint, or some cool flames.  But he loves it.  And it's growing on me too.  I'm not quite as awful on it as I was last year, mainly due to the fact that since losing about 25lbs I feel more comfortable on it.  When I first brought up the idea of a sidecar for the cats, he completely stopped listening.  Like, walked in the opposite direction, stopped listening.  So the next time I brought it up, I made sure to do it while on the bike.  That way, I'm essentially strapped to his back and not only can he not escape me, I can get closer to his ear and talk about anything stupid I choose.  He just shook his head at me and in his side mirror I could see him looking sad.  I mean come on....he knew what he was getting into when he married me.

Perhaps the reason the cats howl like they're being killed when they're in the car is because they can't feel the wind in their fur.  It might be reminiscent of their ancestral roots--instead of running through the jungle like their ancestors did, they're strapped to the back of a Harley cruising along with nature.  They might love it!  There's only one way to find out if this would work, and I fear that I will never get my husband on board.  Perhaps I'm going to have to learn to ride my own motorcycle.  With the cats.

Summer = Bugs

You'd think it would be in feline DNA to want to attack and kill bugs, and perhaps it is.   My cats could care less about any bug like creature.  They're completely immune to their erratic flight patterns, their creepy crawliness, and totally oblivious to the shrieking I do when one comes near me.  There are only a few bugs I'm really afraid of.  Moths, earwigs, and bugs with a lot of legs like centipedes or silverfish.  I don't particularly like spiders, but they don't generally cause the anxiety and fear that the aforementioned ones do.

At night before we go to bed, my husband and I sit on our deck.  Wanda and Mavis usually sit in the kitchen and stare at us through the door.  Occasionally there will be some flying menace that will hit the door and send both cats into chaos mode.  But, get one of those suckers in the house, and they're completely oblivious.  On Sunday Wanda chased a beam of light on the living room floor for 2 hours.  2 H O U R S.  But a bug?  A creature that doesn't belong in her domain....that's creepy crawling all over the floor?  Nope, totally cool with Wanda.  Mavis on the other hand is quite concerned about bugs, probably because she's concerned about everything.  There was a big ant in the basement the other day while I was doing laundry and Mavis looked at it, looked at me, looked at the ant, looked at me.  Back and forth as if to say to me "aren't you going to do something about that?  you realize that's a bug right?"  From time to time if a flyer has invaded our home, she will be active and will try to catch it, but those instances have been few and far between.  I like to think that we have an impenetrable force field around our house that prevents from all types of bugs from invading, but of course that's stupid.  We got cats because we wanted entertainment, not protection.  But I guess with all of the love I give the cats--feeding them, watering them, cleaning cat box, giving them tons of toys to play with, not to mention endless hours of lap time and pets that they could do something when a bug breaches our home.

Catching the bugs is a different story entirely when it comes to our two beasts.  They don't eat the bugs.  They just want to stun them to death.  Or play with them until they're half dead and trying to drag their battered bug bodies to somewhere safe.  It's gross.  I love our cats, but I'm so thankful to have my husband around to finish the job they start.

Wanda Gets a Sweater

Against my better judgment I ran to Wal Mart on Saturday for Easter candy for the kids.  While there I discovered they had 3 aisles of clearance crap.  Among that crap I found a very pink dog sweater. 

Mavis particularly hated crab hat.

I'm guilty of dressing my cats up for various holidays or whenever I find a ridiculous hat.  Hats don't typically bother them...Mavis looks sad about it, and Wanda just accepts it and moves on.

Poor Cell Phone Quality Picture of Wanda's Pharaoh hat.

 

 

 

After removal, she bit the sweater. And me.

The cat sweater was another dilemma altogether.  First of all, like all sweaters, it came with a size.  I realize Wanda is of a portly stature, but figured that a sweater designed for a small dog would fit my husky cat.  Not so in fact.  The only reason I didn't try the sweater on Mavis first was because she took one look at my Mom walking in the house with me and ran to the basement to hide.  Wanda remained out after Mom left, so I subjected her to such nonsense.  The second problem was trying to get my very bossy cat into a sweater that had arm holes.  After pulling the sweater over her head and realizing that it was going to be a very tight fit, I realized I had to get her little cat arms in.  After that was complete, and the sweater was rolled down her bulky frame, she attempted to stand up with her legs straight out and promptly returned to laying down and glaring at me with her menacing stare.

I could tell you that I'll never dress up my cats again, but I'd be lying.  And one thing I'm not is a liar.  I will say that I will never buy another sweater for the cats.  Chances are I will buy more hats though.

Cat Bed....

Mavis has regressed into kitten-hood.  When Mavis was a baby, my husband was still in the military, stationed in Connecticut.  He came home the first time when Mavis was only a baby and rescued her from an escape attempt where she ended up in the scary apartment basement that could have been used to film 'Hostel'.  No, that's not the actual basement, but it's close.  It's equally scary.  Only, imagine there were no light fixtures, or railings to descend the stairs, and endless dust and scariness. 

Anyway, after Mavis's rescue, she's been my husband's cat.  From the moment his feet hit the floor in the morning, she follows him around and chatters at him and demands love, baby holding and pets.  When she was a kitten and husband (then boyfriend) would be home on leave, she'd cram herself between the two of us in bed and sleep right in the middle of us all night.  Essentially "cat blocking" any bedroom activity that could have taken place.  Keep in mind that we're both not small people who at that time were sharing a double bed.  An extra 10lb cat in the middle of that made for even more uncomfortable sleeping. 

Don't judge me.  I'm a terrible artist...

Last week Mavis started sleeping between us again.  Out of nowhere.  Our night time routine is the same EVERYDAY.  We go upstairs, I go into the bathroom and turn on the sink so I can wash my face and brush my teeth, the cats jump on the counter and fight with me for water.  I get out of the bathroom, husband takes a shower, cats stalk him in the bathroom while I read.  During the end of his shower, Wanda jumps up on the bed and snuggles with my feet, while Mavis waits for husband to come to bed.  Typically Wanda being the jerk she is either swats at Mavis or outright attacks her, scaring her and making her run away.  Sometimes she comes back, sometimes she doesn't.  It's a toss up.  But every couple of days now, Mavis climbs right into bed and lays right between us.  It's weird.  She just lays there and purrs her tiny purr until someone moves and she freaks out again. 

Sleeping with 2 cats and one snoring husband in my bed are not boding well for me and my quest for restful sleep.  On Saturday night my box fan took a turn for the worst and died a very quiet death.  It's been difficult, but I'm coping with the loss.  When the girls are good, they sleep in their little cat spots where there's no feet and sleep until husband gets up for work.  When they're annoying, Mavis sleeps between us, Wanda lays on my head and licks my hair and husband snores.  Typically all at the same time.  I know I could just go downstairs and sleep in the spare room, but it's not nearly as comfy as the regular bed.  And I feel if I leave that I'm giving in to the hostile take over.  So I'm taking back the bed.  No more cat concessions, no more in ear snoring, no more "cat blocking."  The bed will be mine again!

Super Bowl & Vacation

Gno the Packer lawn gnome.

We had a few friends over for the Superbowl.  Since we're Wisconsin people, Green Bay making it in was pretty exciting.  This is Gno the impaler, our mascot.  My 4 year old niece wrapped her beads around his head so he'd be more festive.  She also tried to give Wanda some beads but that didn't go over very well.

Mavis hates when we have people over.  HATES.  She hates it so much she runs to the basement and climbs into the rafters and settles into the drop ceiling on the finished half of the basement.  She slowly creeps out when they all leave and is covered in dust and ceiling tile mess.  And since she's black, I feel like I have to clean her off with a towel, which she also hates.  Wanda on the other hand loves having company.  It's almost as if she thinks people are there to see her.  She even does cute little things like this...

Don't be fooled...

Sure, it's cute when she does that. but the minute you try to touch her, she attacks and tries to eat you.  Two of my friends that were over for the big game are not Wanda fans.  It's not that they dislike Wanda, they fear her.  Even the 4 year old knows that Wanda's kind of a jerk and that she should leave her alone.  But not these 2 boys.  One friend spent the evening hiding his feet from Wanda in fear that she would devour them, and the other made fake cat hiss noises at her most of the evening.  I of course, encouraged her to attack by calmly saying "WANDA!  ATTACK!" while she was curled up next to me being super cute.  If my guests would just realize that I have CATS, and not DOGS things would be easier.  Cats don't like to be messed with. 

Mavis doing her "belly rub?" face

Cats also don't like vacations.  I just got back from Texas where I went on a lovely vacation with some of the ladies in my family.  Vacations are always excellent.  Unless you have pets.  Especially cats. Wanda and Mavis hate vacation.  Typically when husband and I go out of town, we have our good friend JP come watch the girls.  She's awesome with them and Mavis even lays on her lap, which is very unusual for her given that she's afraid of everything and everyone.

I've learned that when I'm going on vacation, I cannot put my suitcase out until the night before I'm leaving lest I end up getting a scratched up, cat hair covered bag to take to the airport.  Wanda is the worst.  I know you're surprised.  This time I was smart.  I had all of my clothes in a laundry basket that I kept on top of the hamper so all I had to do was transfer them into my suitcase.  I did that at about 10pm on Tuesday to leave for the airport at 430am on Wednesday.  By 1030pm, Wanda had somehow wedged her kitty paw into the half zipped case and made a nest on top of my clothes.  When my alarm went off in the morning, she jumped off the bed and promptly used my bag as a scratching post.  Also, on my way out the door at 430 in the damn morning, I discovered some cat puke on my kitchen rug.  A little going away present from one of the girls....Since husband didn't come with me on this vacation, I called him everyday to check in and see how he was getting along without me.  He reported that the girls were missing me and sitting in the kitchen staring at the door at times, waiting for me to come home.  Talk about loyalty!!  And from cats!

They were very excited when I got home. They've spent the last few days sleeping, playing and dragging 8 toys up the stairs while we sleep and leaving them on the landing outside our bathroom door.